"Eternal recurrence states that a life which disappears once and for all, which does not return, is like a shadow, without weight, dead in advance, and whether it was horrible, beautiful, or sublime, its horror, sublimity, and beauty mean nothing."
I don’t think you understand how apologies work and honestly I’m at a point where I’m content and don’t really care about the situation anymore because I don’t think it deserves any more of my time or emotions, but it bewilders me how you think a sincere apology could be based on feigned ignorance, or complete dismissal of all the events that occurred prior to you saying anything.
And all I can feel is regret that I ever chose you, as a friend, as someone I confided in, that your words don’t mean a thing, that most of your stories are lies, that you don’t care much about how I feel or who I am or how your actions can affect me. How can you be so selfish and immature and think that my feelings are a joke, or in the best case scenario, how can you still be so inconsiderate to ignore me because it’s convenient or easy, without any regard of my perspective? How do people like you exist, and what joy do you get from being a pathological, chronic liar?
All I know is that my feelings are more profound about you constantly disrespecting me because I felt something for you, and this is me just giving myself a reminder: the puppy last summer, the things you did in Denver, how you treated me when I just needed 5 or 10 minutes of your time.
If you don’t like or respect me, even as a friend, don’t be a fake ass pussy about it and just be honest. It’s not that hard. That’s not even an apology lol.
Can you feel so entitled, still, after treating someone you claim to be close to that way, and how can you shift the blame on to them, still, how can you say that you’re the one who is giving them space, I hate the contrast of those words together, that whole sentence, the subject being you and the action being carried out is to give.
As if each positive action, each instance of you giving is anything to admire when it’s carried around like a badge of honor, a cry for attention, a flimsy shield that barely conceals what you really are. And I don’t think it keeps you up at night, because you refuse to admit to yourself that behind thinly veiled acts of “kindness” (how can you call it that when you always want something in return?), you are a manipulative, power-seeking, vindictive, selfish, self-centered psychopath.
I choose you, not because I think it will always be easy, but because with you I know that even on the wretched, luckless days, when the troubles of the world are downpours of thick, clamouring rain, you will step outside, reach out your hand in invitation, and whisper softly, Dance with me.
where do i put the memories i had with you?
the way your cheek felt on my cheek
the first time we kissed in your car
and the last time i never knew would be
do i swallow them? hide them under my bed for safekeeping?
do i throw them out? pretend they never existed?
do i run away like you did?
where do i put the babys and the cold nights
where the only thing that kept me warm was your heartbeat?
do i put them in my car and send them away on automatic
or do i keep remembering them
keep letting them haunt me
keep thinking of your voice and how it sounded
the moments it was so comforting?
can i hold onto these moments without breaking
or do i keep breaking until i’m in pieces so small
i barely recognize myself?
can i just leave it in the past? i’m trying to
but i don’t know what will make me ever forget you
Always circling back to the same thing. It makes me look like a fool to even care for you in the way I do. What did I ever see and what is it about the situation that makes me so angry and repulsed and bitter? With 2017 approaching, I just want to dedicate myself to moving on and erasing your existence; what a piece of garbage.
